It's 4:18 am and I can't sleep. Luckily, I have my compadre Gizmo hanging with me.
The day nears where I leave for Tennessee. But I'm really sad. I'm happy..but sad. I'm a big o ball of emotion. Stupid emotion. Happy I will be a step closer to family and friends but I will be away from Joe for a couple months. Yes I can come back on some weekends...but it still makes me sad that he won't be home when I do..I wont get to kiss him hi or bye in the mornings when he goes to work.
I guess its silly that I am like this..I had a military (ex) husband that was gone months at a time...I should be used to this. But I'm starting back on square one and here I sit crying like a baby.
On one hand, I have a job lined up for Monday making the same money if not more in a place that I am familiar with and have friends to work with. On the other hand I have a job at Dell that starts in June thats "iffy" (iffy because everyone I've told about Dell warns m e to stay away from them - they will lay me off). Dell doesn't start until June 20 which would give me more time here in Indy and to get moved.
I know that Ahome (job starting Monday) would be best for me seeing as it's more lenient on time off and weekends are off also and there seems to be more job security. I just get sad thinking I have to leave Joe behind right now.
I know the couple of you that read this are thinking "You'll be fine - It'll fly by - there IS a telephone/computer for communication ya know!" I hate being in limbo in anything...wheather its making plans to see a movie or making plans to move..either way I hate feeling scattered. I know things will be better when we get fully transitioned. I know I need to put the big girl panties on and suck it up.
For now, Ima go lay down and try to sleep.
See you folks on the flip side..
Jayme - out.
yup..just me :)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Holy Mackeral! I didn't know fish were religious!!
WI feel accomplished with school as of late because I have made more time to focus on it. Work has suffered a little. I really need to get out of that job. The other two guys serve a purpose..I just serve as the "get me" girl.."I need this..get me that..I want, I need"...ALL DAMN DAY. They just think I dont' have anything to do so they give me new task or things to do around the office..and I just look at them and say.."sure..I'll put it on my list that is already the size of TEXAS!!"...
*breathe*
Any who..
I have maintained my 9 lb loss (woot!) and I will honestly say that is only from food portion control lately. I watch what I eat and write it all down. I am bad more often than I should and splurge on y points but I am good for keeping in my 50 pt allowance. I need recipies that are fast and easy that I can come home from work and make quickly and be doing homework by 7 or 730 (I get home at 6pm usually). Next Tuesday I have a dr appt with a new doc. Going to get some outside help and get back on meds I was taking that helped me out dearly (no not weight loss meds).
More important things tho!!
My weight loss this month so far has made me shoot for at least 5 lbs by end of the month. If I can keep a steady 5lbs a month I'll be down by DragonCon! Thats shooting way way low. But I like to make super attainable goals but feeling awesome when I surpass them. Hey ..it's motivation. I'll take it :)
So I decided for my costume I want to be somewhat of a huntress..not so much a safari hunt or world of warcrafty one but along the lines of steampunk. Thanks to Miss Zwen, she suggested I go to this Etsy store: http://www.etsy.com/shop/damselinthisdress
I love this corset!! The pants too but methinks with some help (and another fine suggestion from Zwen) that I could make these pants myself. I just like this look all together. So I am shooting for something similar.
#1:
#2:
*breathe*
Any who..
I have maintained my 9 lb loss (woot!) and I will honestly say that is only from food portion control lately. I watch what I eat and write it all down. I am bad more often than I should and splurge on y points but I am good for keeping in my 50 pt allowance. I need recipies that are fast and easy that I can come home from work and make quickly and be doing homework by 7 or 730 (I get home at 6pm usually). Next Tuesday I have a dr appt with a new doc. Going to get some outside help and get back on meds I was taking that helped me out dearly (no not weight loss meds).
More important things tho!!
My weight loss this month so far has made me shoot for at least 5 lbs by end of the month. If I can keep a steady 5lbs a month I'll be down by DragonCon! Thats shooting way way low. But I like to make super attainable goals but feeling awesome when I surpass them. Hey ..it's motivation. I'll take it :)
I love this corset!! The pants too but methinks with some help (and another fine suggestion from Zwen) that I could make these pants myself. I just like this look all together. So I am shooting for something similar.
#1:
 |
| Alligator material rocks for the huntress bit :) |
I also like these pairings and picture with some lace up boots or some cute pointy toe boots. This one goes with more of the steampunk western theme. Get me some hot goggles and some steampunky sidearms...this would rock:
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Decisions: When are you considered selfish?
Evening nerd herd!
Today I am struggling with an inner dilemma. I have said to a few of you that I would love the thought of moving back to Tennessee. I could be closer to friends and family which would be so great to have. But on the flip side I kinda feel that I am pushing Joe and Linda out the door before giving it second thought.
Now, don't get me wrong..I have asked over and over if this is something they wanted also. I have pried and picked their brains searching for reasons not to move.
So far I have gotten ok responses but when Joe says "She wants to be close to her family." It sounds like he's just doing it for me and not really putting in his 2 cents.
Pros of moving:
I would be closer to a large percentage of my family.
We both would have a good opportunity having equal (and higher pay - well it would be the same for me).
I would get to be around my family a few years before we had to move on for a job in the industry (my job - game concepts and model creation jobs - are generally located coastal regions. Not so much IN or TN).
Cons:
Linda has to have her foot operated on due to her having a deteriorating foot.
Linda would have to jump through hoops to get set up on social security again.
I would be putting them in a new place and I dont know how well they'd adapt.
Im just ready to be out of this state. I dont really care for Indiana. Tennessee is gorgeous. Im over this flat, land locked piece of rock.
At what point do I need to accept their answers as true - that this is what they want to do.
When do I stop feeling guilty from "taking them away" from comfort zone?
I guess it will all work itself out in time. And if it doesn't then we'll just find a new apartment here I suppose.
Thanks for the ear.
Lend me your thoughts, Id like to hear your side.
Today I am struggling with an inner dilemma. I have said to a few of you that I would love the thought of moving back to Tennessee. I could be closer to friends and family which would be so great to have. But on the flip side I kinda feel that I am pushing Joe and Linda out the door before giving it second thought.
Now, don't get me wrong..I have asked over and over if this is something they wanted also. I have pried and picked their brains searching for reasons not to move.
So far I have gotten ok responses but when Joe says "She wants to be close to her family." It sounds like he's just doing it for me and not really putting in his 2 cents.
Pros of moving:
I would be closer to a large percentage of my family.
We both would have a good opportunity having equal (and higher pay - well it would be the same for me).
I would get to be around my family a few years before we had to move on for a job in the industry (my job - game concepts and model creation jobs - are generally located coastal regions. Not so much IN or TN).
Cons:
Linda has to have her foot operated on due to her having a deteriorating foot.
Linda would have to jump through hoops to get set up on social security again.
I would be putting them in a new place and I dont know how well they'd adapt.
Im just ready to be out of this state. I dont really care for Indiana. Tennessee is gorgeous. Im over this flat, land locked piece of rock.
At what point do I need to accept their answers as true - that this is what they want to do.
When do I stop feeling guilty from "taking them away" from comfort zone?
I guess it will all work itself out in time. And if it doesn't then we'll just find a new apartment here I suppose.
Thanks for the ear.
Lend me your thoughts, Id like to hear your side.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Week 3 - Digging out of a Rut
Well last week was week 2 of weight watchers. Man I killed my diet... BAD. I splurged on lunch half the week last week and it wasn't healthy stuff. I ate ok breakfasts and what not but lunch time was my downfall. I tried to correct the issue by going to the store. I stocked up on sandwich meat and wheat whole-grain bread. I bought some wheat thins, hummus, fiber granola bars (the Kellogg's fiber plus ones rock!) and some water.
I tried to cover every craving I could possibly have and tried to get something healthy. I added the points calculator on my phone so I can tally up points just about anywhere. Some things take a bit more research but its still very handy!
I truly want to reach my goal weight by my 30th birthday. A year and a half. I think I owe it to myself. I need to be healthy. This is my personal choice. I want to have a long happy and healthy life.
So luckily after eating healthy the other half of the week and watching my portions, I only gained 1 lb. Its' still a set back though. It was last week that I had my realization that yes I can eat what I want ....within reason but it also has been an eye opener that I need to start making better food choices when I go out. Grilled over breaded, veggies over pasta or fries, vinaigrettes over cream-based dressings.
So far this week I have managed to eat below my allotted points for the day. I am debating on starting my exercise routine either at the gym ( I have a membership but kinda stopped going ...ok did stop going..) or do I just want to do a quick 30 on the elliptical at the apartment's "fitness center". I suppose I could save myself a little money by choosing the latter.
Alot of people have suggested this PX90 thing. Thats great and all but I really dont feel like spending hundreds of dollars on dvd's, equipment and etc. If I had a spare room with a tv...great but that isnt a luxury I have right now. My friend has offered I go to the gym with him but I think he's all about weight lifting for 2 hours...I don't think I need that. I need cardio to get my heart rate up and blood pumping!
I want more than anything a personal trainer. My gym has them..but they want an insane amount of money...not to mention that they made me feel that my weight loss wouldn't happen effectively without them. I beg to differ.
So for now, I have made myself a small schedule to see how it fits in between work./school. Im gonna start Tues, Thurs Saturday - 30 minutes on the elliptical and then I will start fleshing out my workouts with the weight watchers work out activities. I may take up belly dancing class w rachel :)
Anywho, I will report my progress here. Here's hoping to be down some weight by DragonCon. My doctor says realistic weight loss is 3lbs per month. Which kinda surprises me..but hey if I can lose a bit more per month I'd be ok with that :)
I tried to cover every craving I could possibly have and tried to get something healthy. I added the points calculator on my phone so I can tally up points just about anywhere. Some things take a bit more research but its still very handy!
I truly want to reach my goal weight by my 30th birthday. A year and a half. I think I owe it to myself. I need to be healthy. This is my personal choice. I want to have a long happy and healthy life.
So luckily after eating healthy the other half of the week and watching my portions, I only gained 1 lb. Its' still a set back though. It was last week that I had my realization that yes I can eat what I want ....within reason but it also has been an eye opener that I need to start making better food choices when I go out. Grilled over breaded, veggies over pasta or fries, vinaigrettes over cream-based dressings.
So far this week I have managed to eat below my allotted points for the day. I am debating on starting my exercise routine either at the gym ( I have a membership but kinda stopped going ...ok did stop going..) or do I just want to do a quick 30 on the elliptical at the apartment's "fitness center". I suppose I could save myself a little money by choosing the latter.
Alot of people have suggested this PX90 thing. Thats great and all but I really dont feel like spending hundreds of dollars on dvd's, equipment and etc. If I had a spare room with a tv...great but that isnt a luxury I have right now. My friend has offered I go to the gym with him but I think he's all about weight lifting for 2 hours...I don't think I need that. I need cardio to get my heart rate up and blood pumping!
I want more than anything a personal trainer. My gym has them..but they want an insane amount of money...not to mention that they made me feel that my weight loss wouldn't happen effectively without them. I beg to differ.
So for now, I have made myself a small schedule to see how it fits in between work./school. Im gonna start Tues, Thurs Saturday - 30 minutes on the elliptical and then I will start fleshing out my workouts with the weight watchers work out activities. I may take up belly dancing class w rachel :)
Anywho, I will report my progress here. Here's hoping to be down some weight by DragonCon. My doctor says realistic weight loss is 3lbs per month. Which kinda surprises me..but hey if I can lose a bit more per month I'd be ok with that :)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Please just give me more patience...
So in part of my own goals I set at the new year...I decided to keep up with blogging. I wanted to maintain the blog for a professional portfolio which will hopefully do some good over my school months.
I had a rough day the other day with stuff (not so much school) and decided I should make my own separate blog for venting and such. :)
I dont know whats wrong with me lately. My motivation has went down the tubes. I love school and love learning. I just wish I didnt have to work full time with it lol. I just dont have that option to not work or even part time. Either way Im not the only one thats pushing through school work and other junk. Who am I to complain?
I think the main factor of my "woes" is my job. My job is just draining me dry. I work with all these men that dont give two cents about who you are or what youre doing there. All they want is someone to hold their hand and cater to them left and right. It drives me nuts! I had one of them call me and so very rudely said "I want to discuss some issues I have with you.." Excuse me? WTF? "Where do you want me to start?" Me: "Well..I dont know you're the one with the problems." And proceeded to go off on me because I hadn't gotten one of the piss ant salesmen down the hall a print. Little did he know that I was backed up on quotes due to computer/server problems and I was focused on getting those done. Another little fact he didnt know was the whole reason that the print he sent me was made of 100% Grade A FAIL. None of the dimensions could be read on it. So what was he gonna use it for?
I just have no love for the place any more. I used to want to be there and do 110% but now it's just worthless to me. I was promised one thing when I made my move to this stupid state. Not one thing that was said that would happen..has happened for me. When they fired the guy that hired me...that went with him. My current boss who is my relative has done a great job and I myself dont know why he chooses to put up with the bull.
Another point that makes me want to get away from there is the fact that I was slated for lay off right before Christmas. Really? So you think that I am that worthless to keep around? You have NO friggin clue what I do do you? I was spared because said boss conviced "Mini Me" for me to stay. I dont want my boss always watching my back like that. Its enough stress to have his job. I dont want him having to make sure I stayed employed too..
So that being part of the problem (I realize this more and more as I type this out and chuckle to myself since its so blatantly obvious!) , I have been searching for new opportunities for employment. Joe and I have discussed and if all things work out, we really want to move back to Tennessee this summer. We are hoping to be there in June pending on if we find work and what not. If you have any suggestions in or around Nashville, please comment and let me know. We are looking for a 2-3 bedroom w/ 2 bath. Would like to have at least 1000SF and has to be a flat (no townhomes). Prefer to have W/D hookup so we can do our own laundry.
*breathes in*
So apart from all that ranting..
I think I've convinced Joe, Dale and Charles to go to DragonCon. I can't wait since I didnt get to go last year. I will be glad to see several close friends that I dont see often. I am planning a costume. Think I will do something steampunk. I have some ideas I want to share and love to hear everyone's take. Let me work on some sketches this week/weekend. I will post pics also. So far i am thinkin something like the bustle skirt/corset/shrug combo. Im not sure what kind of weaponry or gadgets I would have.
I am excited!!
Im ready for a good ol con. Blizzcon is still one of my favs but its soo high to go. At least they broadcast it online/tv so we can still see it.
I guess its bedtime. Tmorrow is tequila tasting and celebrating Rachel's bday!
Good night all!
I had a rough day the other day with stuff (not so much school) and decided I should make my own separate blog for venting and such. :)
I dont know whats wrong with me lately. My motivation has went down the tubes. I love school and love learning. I just wish I didnt have to work full time with it lol. I just dont have that option to not work or even part time. Either way Im not the only one thats pushing through school work and other junk. Who am I to complain?
I think the main factor of my "woes" is my job. My job is just draining me dry. I work with all these men that dont give two cents about who you are or what youre doing there. All they want is someone to hold their hand and cater to them left and right. It drives me nuts! I had one of them call me and so very rudely said "I want to discuss some issues I have with you.." Excuse me? WTF? "Where do you want me to start?" Me: "Well..I dont know you're the one with the problems." And proceeded to go off on me because I hadn't gotten one of the piss ant salesmen down the hall a print. Little did he know that I was backed up on quotes due to computer/server problems and I was focused on getting those done. Another little fact he didnt know was the whole reason that the print he sent me was made of 100% Grade A FAIL. None of the dimensions could be read on it. So what was he gonna use it for?
I just have no love for the place any more. I used to want to be there and do 110% but now it's just worthless to me. I was promised one thing when I made my move to this stupid state. Not one thing that was said that would happen..has happened for me. When they fired the guy that hired me...that went with him. My current boss who is my relative has done a great job and I myself dont know why he chooses to put up with the bull.
Another point that makes me want to get away from there is the fact that I was slated for lay off right before Christmas. Really? So you think that I am that worthless to keep around? You have NO friggin clue what I do do you? I was spared because said boss conviced "Mini Me" for me to stay. I dont want my boss always watching my back like that. Its enough stress to have his job. I dont want him having to make sure I stayed employed too..
So that being part of the problem (I realize this more and more as I type this out and chuckle to myself since its so blatantly obvious!) , I have been searching for new opportunities for employment. Joe and I have discussed and if all things work out, we really want to move back to Tennessee this summer. We are hoping to be there in June pending on if we find work and what not. If you have any suggestions in or around Nashville, please comment and let me know. We are looking for a 2-3 bedroom w/ 2 bath. Would like to have at least 1000SF and has to be a flat (no townhomes). Prefer to have W/D hookup so we can do our own laundry.
*breathes in*
So apart from all that ranting..
I think I've convinced Joe, Dale and Charles to go to DragonCon. I can't wait since I didnt get to go last year. I will be glad to see several close friends that I dont see often. I am planning a costume. Think I will do something steampunk. I have some ideas I want to share and love to hear everyone's take. Let me work on some sketches this week/weekend. I will post pics also. So far i am thinkin something like the bustle skirt/corset/shrug combo. Im not sure what kind of weaponry or gadgets I would have.
I am excited!!
Im ready for a good ol con. Blizzcon is still one of my favs but its soo high to go. At least they broadcast it online/tv so we can still see it.
I guess its bedtime. Tmorrow is tequila tasting and celebrating Rachel's bday!
Good night all!
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